5 Communication Strategies for High-Conflict Co-Parenting

Navigating co-parenting after a separation can be one of life's most significant challenges, especially when communication is strained. For the well-being of your children, finding a way to communicate effectively is essential. Here are five strategies to help manage high-conflict co-parenting situations.

1. Use a Business-Like Approach

Treat your co-parenting relationship like a business partnership where the "business" is raising your children. Keep communication formal, respectful, and focused on the facts. Avoid bringing up past grievances or personal feelings. Stick to logistics: schedules, appointments, and school matters.

2. Communicate in Writing

When conversations tend to escalate, switch to written communication like email or a co-parenting app. This creates a record and gives both parties time to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting emotionally. It also prevents "he-said, she-said" disputes.

3. Be Brief, Informative, Factual, and Firm (BIFF)

Developed by the High Conflict Institute, the BIFF method is a great tool for written communication.

• Brief: Keep it short and to the point.
• Informative: Stick to objective information.
• Factual: Avoid opinions, emotions, or accusations.
• Firm: State your position clearly and calmly, ending the conversation.

4. Set Clear Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries for communication. For example, agree to only discuss child-related matters and designate specific times or methods for communication (e.g., no texts after 9 PM unless it's an emergency). Respecting these boundaries can significantly reduce conflict.

5. Focus on the Children’s Needs

In every decision and communication, make the children's best interests the top priority. When you shift the focus from your conflict to their well-being, it becomes easier to find common ground. Our co-parenting classes are designed to equip you with these strategies and more, helping you create a more stable environment for your children.